Tag: Conflict

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Weekly Blog

One of Satan’s Primary Strategies

C.S. Lewis writes in The Screwtape Letters of Satan’s strategies to lure us away from God. From his work, other places, and our own experiences, we know that Satan uses division, fear, self-pity, pride, greed, lust, and discouragement, to name a few. If we’re truthful, we’ve all experienced these things. There’s an additional strategy of Satan’s that I just experienced recently…that is busyness. Working in the Conference Office at Franciscan University of Steubenville, it’s going to be an incredibly busy summer. This summer we are anticipating 16 youth conferences and 5 adult conferences.

Too Busy to Pray

Although gratifying, given the many blessings of the weekend experiences for the teens and adults, it is exhausting. And given how incredibly busy I (we) are, my prayer life diminishes.

Photo by Tomas Ryant

Prayer is a Struggle

I don’t know anyone on this journey who doesn’t struggle with prayer. Although the same is true for me, every day I get in my rote prayers, in addition to spending some quiet time with Jesus. ( didn’t get any prayer time in, but I didn’t even think about it until on the flight back home.)
 
The most important relationship I have is with Jesus and it gets massively interrupted given the busyness of my life. Satan wins that battle some days.
 
For the longest time, my life was about the pace….when I was praying to the god of money. Now, it’s all about the peace. I’m not interested in running from one thing to another, always chasing what’s next and being exhausted. I want peace and balance in my life.

What Prayer Does for Me

I pray to show God gratitude and to adore Him, but I also pray for what it does for me. It’s been a very positive thing in my life. Although not perfect at it, I do it daily. Continuing to struggle with it, it is always a meaningful part of my day. Prayer helps me be my best.

How busy are you? What are you busy doing? What is your busyness keeping you from? As indicated above, Satan uses division, fear, self-pity, pride, greed, lust, and discouragement. He also uses busyness to distract us from the most important thing in our lives…God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can’t address a problem unless you know it exists. Know of the above and try to slow things down. Spend time with God and live in a place of peace, which is way better than the pace so many of us are so used to.

As always, please get to me with questions or comments at [email protected].

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph

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Weekly Blog

Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner

We’ve all heard before, “Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner”. Is that how you handle conflict? Or do you, like me, fail to abide by that practice?
 
I remember living through my first wife’s addiction, confessing to my therapist how upset I was with her. Given the family dysfunction related to addiction, the disease was killing her and it was killing me, emotionally and physically (stress, weight loss, headaches). Gratified to hear that my feelings were normal didn’t mean that they were acceptable. Having heard the above expression previously, it was the first time I really began to understand “hate the sin, not the sinner”.    

In Scripture we read…“do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Matthew 7:12) and “you shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). Another Scripture verse that speaks to this issue is where Peter asks how often he is to forgive. Jesus responds to him in Matthew 18:22, “I do not say to you even seven times, but even seventy times seven times”.

All of these verses speak to “hate the sin, not the sinner”. As I’ve learned, one of the tricks is to not assume malice. Most often, when someone does something that upsets you, they’ve not done it to intentionally hurt you. It helps to have an attitude of understanding, believing that the other person wasn’t intentionally wanting to harm you, then working to resolve the matter. BTW, all of this is easier said than done. It really takes practice.

My experience would indicate that there’s another factor in all of this, that is the complicity that we may have in the conflict. How have our actions added to the dilemma? What role have we played? How does how we feel about ourselves contribute to the reaction we’ve had? All questions I’ve had to ask myself as I mature in life and in my faith.

Let’s consider a more global issue, i.e. abortion. As Christians, I’m hopeful that we can all agree that it is an intrinsic evil, as identified by the teachings of the Church and documented by the Unite States Conference of Catholic Bishops. After 49 years, Roe v. Wade was finally overturned by the Supreme Court, an answer to many prayers by many people for many years.

With the above, we’ve seen some real ugliness, whether it be personal attacks, protesting that turns violent, pro-life facilities being vandalized, and threats being made.

As Christians, we need to abide by Matthew 7:12 and 18:22, as well as Mark 12:31. We need to recognize that ALL OF US are beloved children of God. We’re also all sinners, each and every one of us. Another verse I’m reminded of here is when Jesus says, “how can you see the splinter in your brother’s eye and not see the board in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3).

It may be easy to hate the protesters sited above. I get it and I’m guilty of it. Their actions are reprehensible. But that’s not what Jesus calls us to do. And the reality is that hating them isn’t going to change them, nor our world.

I’d encourage all of us to try very hard to “hate the sin, not the sinner”. It’s the only way we’re going to change hearts and change our world. I’d also suggest that we examine our role in all things. And always, for guidance and as our greatest example, go to Jesus.

As always, please contact me at [email protected] with comments, questions, concerns, challenges, or prayer requests.

Always remember…God made you for GREATNESS!!!

Mark Joseph

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Happy Wife, Happy Life

Many of us don’t make our marriages a priority. Our attention goes to our kids, their needs and activities. We focus on our careers, forcing us to spend lots of time on work. Then there are additional things outside the home like entertainment and various activities, including participating in not-for-profit initiatives. Much of this is often to the exclusion of our spouses.

It’s all part of the busyness of life. It’s not intentional or done with malice, but instead it just happens.

Culture of Me

Add to the above what has become so prevalent in our society, the culture of “me”, i.e. “me, myself, and I”. So many have lost the “other” focus in their lives. Instead it’s about our self-gratification and pleasure.

There was a time when all of the above applied to me. As such, the idea of “happy wife, happy life” used to drive me crazy. Buying into the things of the world, the phrase seemed absolutely ridiculous. What about me? What about my needs, my happiness? Why was it all about her happiness? And why did the responsibility lie with me?

That Was Then and This is Now

Well, as they say, that was then and this is now. Having experienced conversion and now being very active in my faith, my priorities are much different. I now understand that my relationship with my wife is second only in importance to my relationship with Jesus Christ. With that, for those who choose marriage there are a few truths that we need to live by:

  • Jesus has to be at the center of our marriages
  • Our number one priority needs to be helping one another get to Heaven
  • The better each of us is doing individually (spiritually and emotionally), the better our marriages will be

Die to Self and Serve the Other

In Ephesians 5:25, the Apostle Paul tells us, “Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her”. To be honest, before being so engaged in my faith, I wasn’t aware of the concept of sacrificial love, at least not as related to my wife (sad to say).

Jesus died on the Cross for us. Paul is telling us that we have to be willing to do the same for our wives….not just in a “heroic jump in front of the bus” kind of way, but in everyday life. We are to die to self and serve our wives, putting her first, as Jesus did the Church.

The More I Give, the More I Receive

Here’s the dirty little secret. The better I treat my wife, the more I do for her, the more I affirm and love her, the better she treats me and loves me. My intent isn’t “tit for tat”. I don’t think it can work that way. But interestingly, the more I give, the more I receive.

In my men’s group last week, I commented that when my relationship is right with my wife, I feel like I can take on the world, that nothing can stop me. The great news is that I get to create that reality every single day by truly loving the most important person in the world to me.

Love and Respect

In Ephesians 5:33, Paul says, “let each one of you (husband) love his wife as himself; and let the wife see that she respects the husband”.

Here’s the dirty little secret for wives, men feel loved when they’re respected. You show your husband respect and he’ll run through block walls for you. If you don’t believe the Apostle Paul or me, I’d point you to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his book, “Love and Respect” (loveandrespect.com).

And while I’m promoting marriage gurus, my wife and I have really gotten a lot out of Mark Gungor (markgungor.com), who has a great program called “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage”.

As it turns out, “happy wife, happy life” applies as much to wives as it does husbands, there’s just no good word that rhymes with “husband”.
Let me know what you think at [email protected].

God Bless you on your journey to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph

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Weekly Blog

Who’s in Your Inner Circle? 

Fellowship is critical to our spiritual journeys. It serves in helping us be the best we can be while serving others in helping them to be their best. We are not meant to go through life alone. None of us. We need to be in relationship, authentic friendship, and community, which means we need to love others.

Jesus instructs us to love our neighbors in the Great Commandments (Matthew 22:37-39 or Mark 12:29-31). I have a good friend, Ennie Hickman, who is a speaker for the Steubenville Conferences. Ennie speaks of Jesus’ teaching as not being metaphorical or theoretical. Ennie makes the point that Jesus meant our neighbor, neighbor, our next-door neighbor, the person in the house or apartment near us. Who we see in the grocery store or post office, everywhere we look…all who God puts in our lives.

Loving our neighbors includes our families. Many people trip over those right in front of them to go do ministry elsewhere. At one time, I was guilty of this. Our ministry needs to start at home. Ephesians 5:25 says that husbands are to love their wives the way Jesus loved the Church. Jesus gave His life for the Church, loving sacrificially. I need to be willing to give my life for my wife. I need to do my best to help her get to heaven, praying with and for her. 

I didn’t get this in my first marriage. My wife needs to be my priority, with our kids being a close second, not only praying with them and for them, but trying to be a good example, always speaking truth and being charitable. 

Inner Circle vs. Outer Circle 

With family and friends, I think about our inner circle versus our outer circle. Our inner circle should include only those who help us become better versions of ourselves, who teach us, pray with us, hold us accountable, and truly love us. Everyone else should be in our outer circle. This is a challenge for some because arguably there are family members and friends who shouldn’t be in our inner circle. This is true if they aren’t moving in the same direction as you; if they don’t truly have your best interests at heart.  

The above doesn’t mean you cast them aside. Our outer circle is an opportunity for ministry, where we are called to share the love of Christ with others. 

Related to inner circle, I’m a big fan of faith-based small groups. I point to my Parish Men’s Group as critical to my journey. Before I thought “woe was me….I was the only one experiencing these things”. Then I came to understand that we all experience similar things, just characterized differently. These brothers in Christ were distant enough to not have an agenda (family often has agenda), but close enough to listen, care, tell me the truth, hold me accountable, and love me. 

As always, please email me at [email protected] with questions, concerns, comments, or prayer requests. 

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Remember…God made you for Greatness!!!

Mark Joseph