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What to do with Regret

We’re told we can expect two things in life, death and taxes. I often say a third we all experience is human tragedy. It doesn’t skip any of us…doesn’t matter our race or religion, gender, genetics, or socioeconomics. It could be something global like war, terrorism, or a natural disaster. Or it could be much closer to home like death of a loved one, divorce, addiction, or financial hardship. All of us are subject to it. 

One of the other things we all experience, I guess the 4th, is regret. If you’re human, you have regret. If you’re like me, you have regret. Regret is different than resentment, which is most often towards someone else….we typically resent others for offenses committed against us. 

Regret is a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, or disappointment. It’s typically what we feel when we’ve done something we wish we could take back…get a “do over”. It could be that we regret something that made a negative impact on us. More common I think is when we hurt someone else. Often times we’ve not done it intentionally. 

Bracketing my life in 10-year increments, I can remember regrets in every decade of my life. When I was single and married. Things I’ve done to my spouse, my kids, parents, siblings, and friends. Even collogues at work or mere acquaintances. Still to this day, I can’t tell you how many times I’d like to pull the words back in my mouth. Ouch!!!

So what do we do with it? You may have heard of Fr. Mike Schmitz. He’s not only a wildly popular speaker for our Steubenville Conferences, but the most popular Catholic podcaster there is, doing both the Bible in a Year and the Catechism in a Year. Not to my surprise, he has some great thoughts on regret. I’d suggest listening to his 8-minute talk here. In summary, he says, 

Have you ever heard the saying “don’t regret the past, because it’s made you into the person you are today?” While there’s truth to this saying, there’s also something that we as Christians should be aware of…we make mistakes, do things we wished we hadn’t, hurt those we love in the process.

While we don’t want to be burdened by the mistakes we’ve made, it’s safe to say that all of us have done things that didn’t make us the people God wants us to be.

Fr. Mike goes on to say…There’s a difference between regret and repentance, and it can best be seen when comparing St. Peter to Judas. Both men sinned gravely against the Lord: Peter denying Him during the time of His Passion and Judas delivered Him to crucifixion. The difference is, where Peter regretted his sins and repented, Judas let his sin consume him.

It’s okay to regret the things we’ve done in the past that took us away from the path of God, but we can’t dwell in this regret. Instead, we have to do something about it. We have to repent. Repentance is what gives us the strength to forgive ourselves and continue striving for the kingdom of Heaven. When we repent, we surrender ourselves and our mistakes to the Lord, and then He can use those mistakes to glorify our lives. God can use everything—even our worst sins—for our path towards eternity. Nothing given to God is ever wasted.

To me, repenting is authentically being remorseful (even apologizing) and trying to change….making improvements to who you are. 

At work we say the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day at 3PM.

One of the closing prayers reads as follows: Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.

God’s mercy is endless and He loves you more than you’ll ever know, no matter what you’ve ever done. He forgives you that much. We need to forgive ourselves.

As always, please feel free to contact me at [email protected] with comments, concerns, questions, or prayer requests. 

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Remember…God made you for Greatness!!!

Mark Joseph

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Weekly Blog

A Time for Everything

Today is the Feast Day of St. Mark the Evangelist, a favorite of mine for obvious reasons. St. Mark was one of the four writers of the Gospels. Among other things, he’s quoted as saying, “For what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul”. How true. In doing a little research, I found a Prayer to St. Mark: 

O, Glorious St. Mark
through the grace 
of God, our Father,
you became a great Evangelist,
preaching the
Good News of Christ. 
May you help us to know Him
well so that we may faithfully
live our lives as followers of
Christ.
Amen.

Today also marks the 5-year anniversary of when I first began posting these blogs. With roughly 1,600 on our email list, every Wednesday I send out a note of roughly 600 words. Although the topics vary, they most often have to do with real life issues, relating them back to our faith. Over five years, this is my 260th post, most of it being original content. 

Beginning with my conversion experience in March 2006 and based on my journey to date, I continue to believe that in understanding and internalizing the unconditional love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ that: 

  • The unimaginable is achievable,   
  • We can live Heaven here on earth, 
  • There’s a path to peace, joy, and fulfillment. 

As expressed in my book, online course, my talks, videos, and these blogs, I also believe that God made you and me for greatness, putting each of us individually on this earth with a specific purpose, with unique gifts and talents. 

I launched this blog right before my book came out. Having aspirations of sharing my message (really God’s message) with as many as possible, I was doing a fair amount of speaking, mostly local, and promoting myself and the ministry. We created an online course and promoted that too. Then COVID hit and we lost momentum. 

Something else happened over that time. I’m five years older, now sixty, and my priorities have shifted. With expanded responsibilities at work, I’m quite busy, including travel. Since the beginning, the writing and speaking have been done on the weekends and the older I get, the more I don’t want to be running in my off-time. Instead, I prefer hanging out with Cyndi and doing the things we enjoy on weekends. 

In discerning this, a couple questions come to mind. Is this about me or the message? Where can my greatest impact be? At Franciscan University of Steubenville, I have the privilege of leading a team of 30, in addition to being responsible for the 10 partner organizations that put on our conferences across North America. What if my efforts exclusively went towards them? What would the impact be, especially with our exponential reach? Understanding that these things aren’t mutually exclusive, where is God calling me?

There’s a time for everything. Life is made of decisions, and we can only say “no” if we have a stronger “yes”. All this to say that as a standard, we are going to begin posting once a month instead of every week. Given the time it takes to prepare each blog, I think it’s the right decision. My priorities (not the message but the means) have shifted and I feel God calling me in a slightly different direction. That doesn’t mean that we won’t be posting something else periodically, but our original content will be coming out monthly. 

I want to thank you for being on this journey with me. Your support is so appreciated. I know I’m biased but I don’t believe there’s a more important message to share. In fact, I am convicted that if more people knew the love of Christ, that we’d live in a much better country and world. Please pray for me as I do for you. We are experiencing very challenging times and clearly Jesus is the only answer. 

Btw, all my past blogs are on the website at https://markjosephministries.com/blog/. We have an online course as well as my book. If desirous and you have a financial issue, just email me and we’re happy to discount or provide them for free. Lastly, I’m happy to give the occasional talk or do a Parish Mission, especially locally. 

In closing, I want to thank two people. First, I couldn’t do any of this (website, blog posts, videos, etc.) without Mary Kate Cuccari, who’s the creative genius and designer behind the scenes. If you ever have the need, I’d recommend MK in a heartbeat. My wife Cyndi has always supported all of my endeavors, including this ministry. My best friend, I thank God for her every day. Thanks Babe!!!

As always, please email me at [email protected] with questions, concerns, comments, or prayer requests. 

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Remember…God made you for Greatness!!!

Mark Joseph

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Weekly Blog

When the Miracle Doesn’t Come

On February 23, just 4 weeks ago, we lost Amber VanVickle, dear wife to Dave and loving mother of 5 children, including 2 with special needs. Amber was special for many reasons. But she was most special for her love for Jesus and her embracing of the Cross.  

The age-old question of Christianity is how an all-loving God allows tragedy in our lives. Amber eloquently answers that question below, in an article published in the National Catholic Register (NCR), originally in 2019 and then posted again after her death. You can find it and more on Amber at here. 

Before getting to the article, which is well worth the read and reflection (I’ve read it 10 times), I’d like to point you to a couple other things. 

Dave and Amber were interviewed prior to her cancer diagnosis. The subject was “Finding God in the Midst of Suffering” and is definitely worth the 8 minutes. Other articles authored by Amber, all worth reading and reflecting on, can be found at the NCR link above, just after the main post. 

Finally, if you’d like to support Dave and the kids, please go to: 

When the Miracle Doesn’t Come

In Amber’s words…”I remember distinctly a night that had a great impact on my soul, a night that led to a great searching and seeking.

It was late. I was sitting amid beeping machines around the hospital bed of my newborn daughter. She had just had extensive back surgery for severe spina bifida, only a few days old. She was more tubes and bandages than sweet baby-soft skin. I sat with a broken heart in quiet questioning to our Lord. We had prayed for a miracle that had not come, and the result had been nothing less than torturous — physically for our daughter, in every other way for us.

At this same time, a beautiful miracle had occurred for an acquaintance of ours. Like the miracles of old — a life-giving, awe-inspiring, faith-enriching healing. We rejoiced in it with all our hearts. A letter soon circulated that this miracle occurred, firstly, because of God’s great love for the couple. As I read the letter late that night, sitting next to my daughter, my heart broke even deeper. What did it mean for us that the miracle had not come? Did God not love us?

It’s easy for us to read the Gospel accounts and see only the thread of one miracle story after another. But there are hidden golden threads that seem too often unnoticed, and it seems as if our Lord utters them in quiet desperation: ‘You seek me… because you ate your fill of the loaves,’ ‘Unless you see signs and wonders, you will not believe,’ and ‘Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.’

Perhaps the Lord is telling us that his love is not measured simply in the physical, in the miracles and the healings, but perhaps even more so, in the absence of those. That his love is shown, even more deeply, in the crosses, the trials and tempests of our lives, in the seeming absence of his power and love. That God permits sorrow and suffering for the very end of drawing us into himself, for an intimacy and sharing-in that could not be achieved any other way than through a share in his passion: ‘You seem, Lord, to give severe trials to those who love you, but only that in the excess of their trials, they may learn the greater excess of your love.’

Too often the spiritual life, that continuous road of handing our lives, hearts and wills to God, is depicted as an effortless adventure, that when we turn to God all will be well. Many times I’ve heard, ‘Just sit back and wait and see what the Lord does!’ as if a firework show awaits around every corner. But as St. Teresa of Ávila says, “They deceive themselves who believe that union with God consists in ecstasies or raptures, and in the enjoyment of him. For it consists in nothing except the surrender and subjection of our will – with our thoughts, words and actions – to the will of God.”

God is a consuming fire, a fire that ‘breaks, blows, and burns and makes us new,’ as John Donne writes. God’s love is one that enflames but also one that purifies.

‘For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid affliction on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us forth to a spacious place.’

The absence of God’s miracles does not signify the absence of his love but the very presence of it, an offering of it and invitation to greater intimacy, a sharing in his life so efficaciously achieved by the stripping and fire of the cross: as St. Teresa Margaret writes, ‘Since Your life was a hidden life of humiliations, love and sacrifice, such shall henceforth be mine.’

Perhaps the sadness and frustration we hear in the voice of Christ is because of his desire for true love, a love that flourishes in the dark valleys as well as the peaks of life, a love that is not dependent on getting ‘our fill of the loaves,’ a love that is pursued and sought not because of signs and wonders but because of who he is, a love that is tested and tried and found pure and true. He gives us this opportunity of love through the cross and sufferings, even more so than his miracles. As St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus prays, ‘O Lord, you do not like to make us suffer, but you know it is the only way to prepare us to know you as you know yourself, to prepare us to become like you… because you wish that my heart be wholly yours.'”

As always, please email me at [email protected] with questions, concerns, comments, or prayer requests. 

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Remember…God made you for Greatness!!!

Mark Joseph

Categories
Weekly Blog

Everyone Struggles with Prayer…How ‘bout You?

Most people struggle with prayer. I did for a long time and having come a long way, I still do, wanting to get better, wanting to connect in a more meaningful way to God.

There are numerous ways to pray and an endless number of books on how to do it. Acronyms are employed as reminders, i.e. ACTS…Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication. There’s rote prayer, praying through Scripture, i.e. Lectio Divina, meditation, contemplative, etc.

In reading my book or blogs, you know that the only way to lead a life of peace, joy, and fulfillment is to say “yes” to Jesus Christ and living the will of God. To know God’s will means that we need to be in relationship with Him. That relationship exists in the Sacraments and in prayer.

Keeping it simple, I advocate three types of prayer. Now please don’t get overwhelmed. You don’t have to be doing all three in one sitting or even every day. Like with anything new (if it is new to you), you can start slowly and build from there. I do all three mostly every day, which I’ll explain below. With the way I do them, none are a heavy lift. The three include:

  1. Reading Scripture
  2. Rote Prayer
  3. Daily Dialogue with God

Reading Scripture
There’s an expression that I like to quote in my talks, “it’s one thing to know the Bible, it’s another to know its Author”. The only way to get to know God the Father, Jesus Christ our Savior, and the Holy Spirit who dwells within each of us, is to read Scripture.

I go to Mass daily, so I’m hearing the readings, which come from Scripture during the Mass. In getting to Mass early, I read the Scripture readings ahead of time, meditating on one prior to Mass. When meditating, I think of two things:

  1. What would I do if I were part of the circumstances at the time?
  2. How is it relevant in my life today?

If you aren’t a daily Mass goer, you can still access the daily reading for your review. I have them emailed to me daily from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). They are available on apps like Laudate, Truth and Life.

Photo by Anuja Mary Tilj on Unsplash

Another idea is to get a Bible (physical or app) and just start reading it. I’d recommend starting with the New Testament, specifically the four Gospels. Just read as much as you’d like in a sitting. It can be a couple verses or an entire chapter. For what you read, pray through questions #1 and 2 from above.

Rote Prayer
I say the same rote prayers every day. They include:

  • Our Father
  • Hail Mary
  • Glory Be
  • Serenity Prayer
  • Prayer I wrote that speaks to my journey and spirituality. You can find it at (past blog).

The difference between when I learned each of these and now is that today I say each one very slowly, hanging on and praying through each word. I always start with the Our Father and often have to say it 2 or 3 times in order to slow my mind down enough to pray through every word. You’d be amazed how your prayer life changes when you pray these prayers like that.

Little hint…I say these rote prayers during my morning commute, instead of listening to the radio (which is always set for Christian music btw).

Image by Aaron Burden from Unsplash

Daily Dialogue with God
I’d not suggest doing this while driving down the road. Instead do it in a place where you can concentrate on what you’re doing and where you’re in a position to write things down. Although I’d recommend 10 minutes a day, start with 5 if you’d like. You can build up to 10 and go beyond that if you feel called to.

Going to Mass daily, I typically make sure I show up early so that I can get my 10 minutes in before Mass. Although I do it at home occasionally, my absolute best prayer time is in Church, in front of Jesus in the Eucharist…bar none. So that’s where I typically do it. The process is as follows:

  • Identify to God whatever is on your heart that day. It could be a dream, desire, or aspiration. It could be a fault or failing, a current challenge, or another person who is struggling. It’s your choice. God is interested in whatever you bring Him
  • Typically in silence, detail the situation to God. Unpack the issue for Him. What is the challenge or opportunity? What are your ideas to address or resolve it? What do you see as the pros and cons to your ideas?
  • Then just sit in silence, listening for the voice of God to speak to your heart. Be patient. Wait on Him. See what comes to you.
  • Journal as much of the above as you would like, especially how you believe God is speaking to you.

The above works; it really works. Every time I do it, it works. If there’s one part of my prayer life that drops off occasionally, this is it. I typically do it at least 4-5 days a week. Interestingly, it’s what I have to work the hardest to do and it’s the most gratifying when I do it. It always works.

As always, please contact me at [email protected] with questions, comments, or challenges.

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!!

Mark Joseph