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When the Miracle Doesn’t Come

On February 23, just 4 weeks ago, we lost Amber VanVickle, dear wife to Dave and loving mother of 5 children, including 2 with special needs. Amber was special for many reasons. But she was most special for her love for Jesus and her embracing of the Cross.  

The age-old question of Christianity is how an all-loving God allows tragedy in our lives. Amber eloquently answers that question below, in an article published in the National Catholic Register (NCR), originally in 2019 and then posted again after her death. You can find it and more on Amber at here

Before getting to the article, which is well worth the read and reflection (I’ve read it 10 times), I’d like to point you to a couple other things. 

Dave and Amber were interviewed prior to her cancer diagnosis. The subject was “Finding God in the Midst of Suffering” and is definitely worth the 8 minutes. Other articles authored by Amber, all worth reading and reflecting on, can be found at the NCR link above, just after the main post. 

Finally, if you’d like to support Dave and the kids, please go to: 

When the Miracle Doesn’t Come

In Amber’s words…”I remember distinctly a night that had a great impact on my soul, a night that led to a great searching and seeking.

It was late. I was sitting amid beeping machines around the hospital bed of my newborn daughter. She had just had extensive back surgery for severe spina bifida, only a few days old. She was more tubes and bandages than sweet baby-soft skin. I sat with a broken heart in quiet questioning to our Lord. We had prayed for a miracle that had not come, and the result had been nothing less than torturous — physically for our daughter, in every other way for us.

At this same time, a beautiful miracle had occurred for an acquaintance of ours. Like the miracles of old — a life-giving, awe-inspiring, faith-enriching healing. We rejoiced in it with all our hearts. A letter soon circulated that this miracle occurred, firstly, because of God’s great love for the couple. As I read the letter late that night, sitting next to my daughter, my heart broke even deeper. What did it mean for us that the miracle had not come? Did God not love us?

It’s easy for us to read the Gospel accounts and see only the thread of one miracle story after another. But there are hidden golden threads that seem too often unnoticed, and it seems as if our Lord utters them in quiet desperation: ‘You seek me… because you ate your fill of the loaves,’ ‘Unless you see signs and wonders, you will not believe,’ and ‘Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.’

Perhaps the Lord is telling us that his love is not measured simply in the physical, in the miracles and the healings, but perhaps even more so, in the absence of those. That his love is shown, even more deeply, in the crosses, the trials and tempests of our lives, in the seeming absence of his power and love. That God permits sorrow and suffering for the very end of drawing us into himself, for an intimacy and sharing-in that could not be achieved any other way than through a share in his passion: ‘You seem, Lord, to give severe trials to those who love you, but only that in the excess of their trials, they may learn the greater excess of your love.’

Too often the spiritual life, that continuous road of handing our lives, hearts and wills to God, is depicted as an effortless adventure, that when we turn to God all will be well. Many times I’ve heard, ‘Just sit back and wait and see what the Lord does!’ as if a firework show awaits around every corner. But as St. Teresa of Ávila says, “They deceive themselves who believe that union with God consists in ecstasies or raptures, and in the enjoyment of him. For it consists in nothing except the surrender and subjection of our will – with our thoughts, words and actions – to the will of God.”

God is a consuming fire, a fire that ‘breaks, blows, and burns and makes us new,’ as John Donne writes. God’s love is one that enflames but also one that purifies.

‘For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid affliction on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us forth to a spacious place.’

The absence of God’s miracles does not signify the absence of his love but the very presence of it, an offering of it and invitation to greater intimacy, a sharing in his life so efficaciously achieved by the stripping and fire of the cross: as St. Teresa Margaret writes, ‘Since Your life was a hidden life of humiliations, love and sacrifice, such shall henceforth be mine.’

Perhaps the sadness and frustration we hear in the voice of Christ is because of his desire for true love, a love that flourishes in the dark valleys as well as the peaks of life, a love that is not dependent on getting ‘our fill of the loaves,’ a love that is pursued and sought not because of signs and wonders but because of who he is, a love that is tested and tried and found pure and true. He gives us this opportunity of love through the cross and sufferings, even more so than his miracles. As St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus prays, ‘O Lord, you do not like to make us suffer, but you know it is the only way to prepare us to know you as you know yourself, to prepare us to become like you… because you wish that my heart be wholly yours.'”

As always, please email me at [email protected] with questions, concerns, comments, or prayer requests. 

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Remember…God made you for Greatness!!!

Mark Joseph

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Weekly Blog

Everyone Struggles with Prayer…How ‘bout You?

Most people struggle with prayer. I did for a long time and having come a long way, I still do, wanting to get better, wanting to connect in a more meaningful way to God.

There are numerous ways to pray and an endless number of books on how to do it. Acronyms are employed as reminders, i.e. ACTS…Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication. There’s rote prayer, praying through Scripture, i.e. Lectio Divina, meditation, contemplative, etc.

In reading my book or blogs, you know that the only way to lead a life of peace, joy, and fulfillment is to say “yes” to Jesus Christ and living the will of God. To know God’s will means that we need to be in relationship with Him. That relationship exists in the Sacraments and in prayer.

Keeping it simple, I advocate three types of prayer. Now please don’t get overwhelmed. You don’t have to be doing all three in one sitting or even every day. Like with anything new (if it is new to you), you can start slowly and build from there. I do all three mostly every day, which I’ll explain below. With the way I do them, none are a heavy lift. The three include:

  1. Reading Scripture
  2. Rote Prayer
  3. Daily Dialogue with God

Reading Scripture
There’s an expression that I like to quote in my talks, “it’s one thing to know the Bible, it’s another to know its Author”. The only way to get to know God the Father, Jesus Christ our Savior, and the Holy Spirit who dwells within each of us, is to read Scripture.

I go to Mass daily, so I’m hearing the readings, which come from Scripture during the Mass. In getting to Mass early, I read the Scripture readings ahead of time, meditating on one prior to Mass. When meditating, I think of two things:

  1. What would I do if I were part of the circumstances at the time?
  2. How is it relevant in my life today?

If you aren’t a daily Mass goer, you can still access the daily reading for your review. I have them emailed to me daily from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). They are available on apps like Laudate, Truth and Life.

Another idea is to get a Bible (physical or app) and just start reading it. I’d recommend starting with the New Testament, specifically the four Gospels. Just read as much as you’d like in a sitting. It can be a couple verses or an entire chapter. For what you read, pray through questions #1 and 2 from above.

Rote Prayer
I say the same rote prayers every day. They include:

  • Our Father
  • Hail Mary
  • Glory Be
  • Serenity Prayer
  • Prayer I wrote that speaks to my journey and spirituality. You can find it at (past blog).

The difference between when I learned each of these and now is that today I say each one very slowly, hanging on and praying through each word. I always start with the Our Father and often have to say it 2 or 3 times in order to slow my mind down enough to pray through every word. You’d be amazed how your prayer life changes when you pray these prayers like that.

Little hint…I say these rote prayers during my morning commute, instead of listening to the radio (which is always set for Christian music btw).

Image by Aaron Burden from Unsplash

Daily Dialogue with God
I’d not suggest doing this while driving down the road. Instead do it in a place where you can concentrate on what you’re doing and where you’re in a position to write things down. Although I’d recommend 10 minutes a day, start with 5 if you’d like. You can build up to 10 and go beyond that if you feel called to.

Going to Mass daily, I typically make sure I show up early so that I can get my 10 minutes in before Mass. Although I do it at home occasionally, my absolute best prayer time is in Church, in front of Jesus in the Eucharist…bar none. So that’s where I typically do it. The process is as follows:

  • Identify to God whatever is on your heart that day. It could be a dream, desire, or aspiration. It could be a fault or failing, a current challenge, or another person who is struggling. It’s your choice. God is interested in whatever you bring Him
  • Typically in silence, detail the situation to God. Unpack the issue for Him. What is the challenge or opportunity? What are your ideas to address or resolve it? What do you see as the pros and cons to your ideas?
  • Then just sit in silence, listening for the voice of God to speak to your heart. Be patient. Wait on Him. See what comes to you.
  • Journal as much of the above as you would like, especially how you believe God is speaking to you.

The above works; it really works. Every time I do it, it works. If there’s one part of my prayer life that drops off occasionally, this is it. I typically do it at least 4-5 days a week. Interestingly, it’s what I have to work the hardest to do and it’s the most gratifying when I do it. It always works.

As always, please contact me at [email protected] with questions, comments, or challenges.

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!!

Mark Joseph

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Weekly Blog

We Only Have One Savior

Do you ever feel like it all relies on you? You feel all this pressure, believing that if you don’t perform that it’s not going to get done? That without your efforts alone, failure is right around the corner. All is doomed. It’s you or nothing. 

I know that in my past, prior to me experiencing conversion and being on this spiritual journey, I felt like that most of the time. It was especially true for my business life, but to be honest it’s the feeling I had in other aspects of my life too. Unknowingly, I was playing the “savior”. 

Having matured in my faith and having a greater reliance on God, I thought that I had escaped the above. Then recently, through some “spiritual coaching”, I discovered the opposite…I’m still playing the savior. Maybe not in the same way as before, but my behavior would indicate that I still believe it’s all up to me. 

Some things from my notes from that coaching:

  • I need to work at a pace that is healthy and trusting in God, so I can stay in His peace.
  • I need to surrender it all to Him and stop playing savior; it’s more than I can carry.
  • Intercessory prayer is more important than human effort; it’s only God who can change hearts. 
  • The primary agent is God; need to turn all over to Him.
  • Need to say/pray, “Lord, I’m trusting in You”. 
  • There’s a difference between doing something “with” the Lord and “for” the Lord. He wants to work with us. 
  • If it’s going to be saved, it will be by God and not me. 

In a recent blog I wrote, “pray as though everything depends on God; act (work) as though everything depends on you”…often attributed to St. Ignatius and St. Augustine. I like this quote because I think it speaks to the reality of our lives as Christians. Having made us very uniquely and perfectly, God calls on us to use our God given gifts to the best of our ability…but then leave the rest to Him. 

Photo by Alicia Quan on Unsplash

Doing the above is surrender, which we’re reminded of in one of the first prayers we learn, the Our Father, “Thy will be done”. I think that’s my hang-up here. There’s a big difference between surrender and SURRENDER…in all we do. I’ve been talking about all of this for several years now. Truly living it is another thing. Simple, it’s certainly not easy. 

I’ve said before that surrender first requires absolute trust, knowing that God loves me unconditionally, that Jesus would have still died that same torturous death if it were only me on this earth. God made me with unique gifts and talents and put me on this earth for a specific purpose, all according to His grand plan, individually and as part of all of humanity. He wants me to be happy and fulfilled. Even with life’s challenges, God’s given me the ability to live in peace and joy. Lastly, the Holy Spirit lives within me. 

These things are true for all of us. And it’s only in understanding and internalizing them as truth that we can come to this place of surrender. I think I have when it comes to those things that require small “s” surrender. But those BIG “S” SURRENDER things. They’re something different. 

Photo by Luis Quintero on Unsplash

Humility is a part of it, understanding that it’s not really us doing the work, but Him working through us. Connecting it to gratitude, we’re then free to not feel the pressure of the outcome, but leave that instead to God…knowing that all happens for a reason, according to His grand plan.  

We only have one Savior, that’s Jesus Christ. It’s not me and it’s not you. Jesus is our Lord and Savior. I pray that I continue to grow in faith, becoming holier, and living a life of surrender, gratitude, humility, and love. It’s a journey for all of us. I pray you do the same. 

As always, please email me at [email protected] with questions, concerns, comments, or prayer requests. 

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Remember…God made you for Greatness!!!

Mark Joseph

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Weekly Blog

The Dysfunction of Today’s Communication

There are lots of ways people disappoint us. Family. Friends. Casual encounters. We’re human. We’re all sinners. So, the fact that we disappoint one another, in various ways, isn’t a surprise. 

What I’m referring to in this post, that is so disappointing, is lack of response, primarily related to text messages and emails. I’m no longer surprised or amazed that it occurs. It’s now common place, to be expected. Please note…I’m not talking about people (y’all) responding to blog posts like this one. I’m referring to one on one communications. 

I’m not the only one who’s noticed this. In doing an internet search, there are plenty of articles on the subject. People either don’t respond…which is the most frequent issue, or the response is delayed. What I couldn’t find on the internet (I’m sure I just need to search more) is the real reason or the impact. 

It Would Seem Being Too Busy Isn’t Valid

As a slight aside, at one time I believed that what I was experiencing in life was unique to me. As I’ve progressed, engaging with many on the same journey, I know that we’re all experiencing very similar things, possibly characterized differently. As such, I now know if I’m feeling it, if I’m experiencing it, chances are most others are too. 

One of the reasons pointed to is how busy people are. With the previous paragraph as context, I believe I am representative of most in relation to how busy I am or not. I would assume my inboxes, both work and personal, are similar to others. I would think my text traffic is comparable to most my age. 

I respond…really to all my emails and texts. For me not to do so would be an oversight…which I typically catch within a short period of time. Being as busy as others (I think), I seem to have time to respond. BTW, I’m not suggesting I’m perfect. I make plenty of mistakes with plenty of things. 

How Would You Feel?

Here’s the other side of the coin…how does it make people feel to not get a response. Ignored, forgotten, unimportant, not a priority? Whether we want to acknowledge them or not, we know none of these things are positives. I’d suggest they add to the statistics for the societal ills going in the wrong direction in our world, i.e. depression, isolation, anxiety, addiction, suicide, etc. 

It would seem people experiencing the impact of not being responded to doesn’t seem to positively impact response to others. Does anyone else find that interesting? 

This may seem like a silly example to you. Imagine sitting at a table with someone. You say something to them, transactional or possibly with detail and depth, maybe even emotional. After, the person sitting across from you doesn’t respond. He or she just sits there, possibly not even looking at you. You wait for a response…and none is forthcoming. What would that imply about that person? Would that behavior be acceptable? Would you be eager to re-engage with that person? 

What Should We Do? 

Maybe I’m just wining. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Or does it? To me, it’s a continuation of the downhill spiral that we’ve been on. I’ve come to say the more connected we are (social media, apps, text, email), the more isolation we experience. I’d argue isolation isn’t good. Nor are its impacts. 

We’re not meant to go through life alone. We are made for community, for friendship, authentic relationship. The second part of the Great Commandments is, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). Second to loving God, we have no greater call. 

I’d suggest the way we treat one another, whether in person or online, is important. I hope the above prompts some thought. When someone sends a note, he or she has taken the time and expended the effort to do so. That person is believing he/she would receive a response…or in most cases wouldn’t have sent the note. As Jesus told us, “love your neighbor as yourself”. More people doing so (responding) would make this a better world. Amen!!!

As always, please contact me with questions, comments, concerns, challenges, or prayer requests at [email protected]

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Remember…God made you for Greatness!!!

Mark Joseph