resentment – Mark Joseph Ministries

Letting Go of Your Resentments

Most of us have had the experience of holding a grudge. Many are trapped and overwhelmed by the resulting resentment. If left unaddressed, resentment can consume us. Does this ring true to you?

For quite a while, I was overwhelmed by my wounds and resentments, almost in disbelief that these seeming “injustices” could have happened to me. I experienced a range of emotions and remember being angry and bitter almost on a constant basis. It was real. It was penetrating. And it hurt, sometimes almost physically. I felt very isolated, embarrassed to share the details with anyone.

Swallowing Poison and Waiting for the Other Person to Die

There’s a painfully true saying that “resenting someone else is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die”. In other words, when you harbor resentment, the only person it really hurts is you. Even if the other person knows of it and feels its repercussions, the impact on them pales in comparison to the impact on you.

There is no question that people wrong us, hurt us, sometimes very deeply, whether with malice or not. But when we let this fact get in the way of us living with peace and joy, we only hurt ourselves.

You Can Only Change Yourself

So how do we get out of habits of resentment and hurt? The fact is that the patterns of resentment that weigh us down are often rooted in the false belief that other people have to change in order for us to be happy. And this lie has roots in the lack of self-love suffered by most…if I believe that my whole worth is based on what other people think of me, then it stands to reason that I will resent people when they fail to love me.

Step #1

A first step in healing is moving past the idea that other people have to change. Remember, even when people treat you terribly and hurt you, that does not diminish your worth one bit. Because your worth is rooted in who you are (not in what you do or how you perform), you have the power to take responsibility for your own life, beginning with choosing to let go of resentment and hurt.

Step #2

An important second step has to do with our identity. Our tragedies, wounds, and set-backs are not to define us. When we allow our identity to get wrapped up in our hurts, it makes it difficult to surrender them, to experience healing, and to move on. As such, we need to understand our identity in Christ, each of us made by His Father, perfect in God’s image and likeness.

Step #3

Lastly, it was critical that I take ownership of my role in each of my painful circumstances, recognizing that I bore at least some responsibility for what had happened. It wasn’t until I started the challenging process of fixing myself, and yes forgiving myself, that I could humbly acknowledge my role, allowing me to also forgive others (which doesn’t mean condoning).

In doing all of the above, I let go of my resentments. How about you? What have you done or what are you prepared to do to have peace and joy in your life?

Please share your comments with me at [email protected].

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph

This is the 7th of our 14-week program, where we provide Lesson #7, on our wounds and the resentments they create. So, here are some questions to consider:

Have you ever been hurt by someone in your life?
Have you experienced tragedy, that has left you wounded?
If either of the two above, how has it impacted your life?

As discussed last week, tragedy is universal. It happens to all of us. The same is true for people hurting us. We’re all sinners. Sometimes it’s done with malice. Most often not, but the pain is none the less.

If hurts or wounds stay with us long enough, they become personal. If personal long enough, we often build up resentments. Have you ever heard the expression, “resenting someone is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die”? It doesn’t work. Believe me. I’ve tried…it doesn’t work.

Here’s the thing….when I harbor resentment, the only person it really hurts is me. Even if the other person knows of the situation and feels its repercussions, the impact pales in comparison to the impact on me.

My Wounds and Resentments

For quite a while, I was overwhelmed by my wounds and resentments, almost in disbelief that these seeming “injustices” could have happened to me.

My first wife’s long struggle with alcoholism
The dramatic impact the addiction had on our family
The loss of my business

I experienced a range of emotions — sadness, despair, doubt, fear — and I remember being angry and bitter almost on a constant basis. It was real. It was penetrating. And it hurt. I felt very isolated, embarrassed to share the details with anyone. It was the most depressing time of my life.

Solving for the Pain

There is at least partial truth to the saying that time heals all wounds. It was true for me. As time went on, the pain did diminish, and healing did begin to set in. That said, time alone would not have moved me past my many hurts.

It was critical that I take ownership of my role in each of the painful circumstances, recognizing that I bore real responsibility for what had happened to me. And that difficult realization took time. My old wounds of low self-esteem and low self-worth added to the pain of these wounds and fostered a lot of resentment. It wasn’t until I started the challenging process of fixing myself, and yes, forgiving myself, that I could humbly acknowledge my role in my circumstances.

Suggested Actions

So, what do we do about it? As indicated, there are no “quick” fixes to anything in life, including overcoming your wounds and resentments. That said, I would suggest:

Think about the following questions. Ponder (think/pray) the following:
- What was your role in what took place?
- Were there lessons learned that you can take into other circumstances?
- Beginning to understand that everything takes place for a reason, is there an element of gratitude you can find in what transpired?
During your morning prayer routine this week:
- In meditating on what occurred, try to forgive the other person, recognizing that resentment only hurts you.
- Try to forgive yourself too, mindful of God’s unconditional love and forgiveness for you
Watch this Friday’s video on this same subject….it will be emailed to you.

Please join us next Wednesday for Week #8 when we talk about DISCOVERING GOD’S LOVE. As always, please feel free to get to me with questions, comments, or concerns at [email protected].

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph