Tag: forgiveness

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Weekly Blog

Week #2 – Having to Earn the Love of Others

This is the 2nd of our 14-week program, where we provide Lesson #2, Having to Earn the Love of Others. So here are some questions to consider:

  • When growing up, do you remember times when performing well made you feel more loved?
  • Or how about when you failed at something or perceived that you failed, did you feel less loved?
  • Although you don’t do it intentionally (none of us do), do you treat people differently based on their performance, i.e. your kids, coworkers

The most glaring example of this issue in my life was winning the high school football championship my senior year. No matter where my teammates and I went, we were treated like heroes, like gods. Regardless of whether it was the school administration, our teachers, and classmates, or family…parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins, the media, friends outside of school, or the broader community…we were celebrated for our successes individually and collectively.

Having come from an incredibly loving home, the above made me feel more loved based on my success, us winning. Think about it in your own life. Based on my research, I’m quite sure you’ve experienced it.

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

No Malice Intended

It’s not done intentionally or with malice. Most of us had good upbringings. That said, most also grow up believing, based on our lived experiences, that we have to excel to be loved. Stated another way, we fear that if we don’t perform well, we won’t be loved. And at a fundamental level, we all want to be loved; we all want to be accepted.

As we’re going to learn in future lessons, believing that we have to earn the love of others isn’t a good thing. It drives behaviors related to our own self-development, in addition to the way we treat others, that aren’t healthy. 

Suggested Actions

As indicated, there are no “quick” fixes to anything in life, including feeling the need to earn the love of others. That said, as we move through these 14 lessons, I’m going to give you things that helped me in my life.

Specific to this lesson, I would suggest:

  • Think about the following questions. Take them to prayer. Reference Daily Dialogue with God at this past blog for guidance. We can only understand an issue if we identify it. Ponder (think/pray) the following:
    • How did “earning the love of others” occur in your life?
    • How are you seeing it occur in others’ lives?
    • What do you think the impact was then?
    • How has what occurred then impacted you now?
  • We need to learn to separate our role (carpenter, banker, electrician, dietician, teacher) from our identity (loved children of God). Think and pray about the following:
    • God does not call us because we are worthy, but because we are wanted.
    • God does not call the qualified; He qualifies the called.
    • St. Augustine wrote, “God loves each of us as if there was only one of us to be loved”.
  • During your morning prayer routine (from last week), in addition to taking your worries and stresses to the Lord, asking for His peace, also bask in His love. You can meditate on each of the phrases just above, in addition to “I am a loved child of God”.
  • Watch this Friday’s video on this same subject….it will be emailed to you.

Please join us next Wednesday for Week #3 when we talk about lack of self-love. As always, please feel free to get to me with questions, comments, or concerns at [email protected].

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph

 

Week #1 – Being Overwhelmed
Week #2 – Earning the love of others
Week #3 – Lack of self-love
Week #4 – Fear
Week #5 – False gods, False happiness
Week #6 – Life’s Tragedies
Week #7 – Wounds, Resentments

Week #8 – Discovering God’s Love
Week #9 – Forgiveness and healing
Week #10 – Becoming the best Possible You
Week #11 – Path to Peace
Week #12 – Finding your Purpose
Week #13 – You were made for Greatness
Week #14 – True Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment

Categories
Weekly Blog

Why It’s So Important to Forgive

Are you one to hold a grudge? It doesn’t have to be a major “resentment”. Maybe it’s minor thing that you won’t forgive of someone else? What kind of impact is it having on the other person? On you?

In the Scriptures, Jesus tells us that we need to forgive. One example is the “Our Father”, the only prayer Jesus gave us, where He says, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Another is in Matthew 18:22, where in response to Peter asking how often we are to forgive, Jesus says, “I do not say to you even seven times, but even seventy times seven times” There are numerous other examples in Scripture as well.

Why do you think Jesus is so insistent that we forgive others? We get the answer when we refer to another part of Scripture, the Great Commandments, where in Mark 12:29-31 – Jesus said, “The first is this…You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Jesus knows that we can’t love someone if we resent or lack forgiveness for another. It’s just not possible to do so, to love purely when we don’t have forgiveness in our hearts. And as much as we can’t love someone else, we can’t love God our Father with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.

It being one of the most important things Jesus told us, we need to abide by the Great Commandments. To not do so is to not pursue our faith, to not grow in faith, to not have peace, joy, or fulfillment in our lives.

Before Forgiving Others?

Before forgiving others though, we often need to forgive ourselves. That was true for me and to do so I needed to bring someone alongside me. Given the tragedy I experienced in my life, I saw a Christian therapist for a number of years…lots of sessions, and lots of copays. The visual I think about was her facing me with a Crucifix in one hand and a mirror in the other, because we spent every session, all session, talking about how I needed to change and be more like Jesus.

For you it might not need to be a therapist. It could be a good friend, a relative, or mentor. Whoever it is, I’d suggest that it be someone who has experience, is educated, independent, and invested in you being the very best you can be.

In forgiving ourselves, we can come to a place where we understand that others’ issues (their faults, failings, and inadequacies) aren’t to be cast upon us, but owned by them. We understand that when people hurt us it’s most often not with malice, but instead from a place of their own woundedness. As such, they need our forgiveness. They need our love.

Jesus calls us to love one another. In addition to loving His Father, it’s His priority for our lives. Here’s a little secret….it’s only in loving others, loving God our Father, and being a Disciple where we’ll have true peace, joy, and fulfillment in our lives.

As always, feel free to contact me with questions or comments at [email protected].

God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph