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Categories
True Joy is Such a Joy to See
Category: Weekly Blog
Categories
So That’s the Answer!
Are you NOT where you want to be and struggling to figure out how to change things? Are you unhappy, not fulfilled, feeling stressed, or even overwhelmed? Do you suffer from a lack of self-confidence (lack of self-love), always comparing yourself to others? Or maybe you live in a place of fear, always needing to be in control?
If you are like most people, you have experienced many of the things listed above, possibly all of them. Even if you’ve worked through many of these issues (not many completely have), you know people who suffer with these challenges…we all do.
In last week’s blog, I offered the high-level solution to the above, then stating, “want info on how this works…please contact me”. Given the overwhelming number of requests, I thought I’d offer more here.
First, rest assured, you are not alone in having these issues….most of society deals with these things.
Let me commend you for having the courage to consider how to address these challenges in your life. Unlike most, you have a willingness to truly look in the mirror.
Source of the Problem
Most of us grow up believing that we have to earn the love of others…the more or better we perform, the more love we perceive we receive. This concept is further reinforced when we fail or perceive doing so, not feeling loved or accepted for our efforts. It happens to all of us…it’s a human condition.
This conditional love leads to a lack of self-love, which then leads to fear, preventing us from being, doing, or trying that which we’re called to, using all of our God-given gifts, and meeting our full potential.
Most of us suffer from the above. I certainly did for the longest time.
What’s the Answer?
My personal experience is that there is only one way that we can overcome the above, that is in UNDERSTANDING AND INTERNALIZING GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND FORGIVENESS.
As such, you’ll realize your identity as a child of God, on this earth for a specific purpose, out of His love, given the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.
You’ll learn that God loves you more than you’ll ever know, no matter what you’ve ever done. You’ll separate your role from your identity, your “do” from your “who”. In doing so, you will (as I have) experience:
- Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment in your life
- Heaven here on earth (which is Scriptural)
- That the unimaginable is achievable.
The Process
Although simple, none of this is easy. The process I detail in my book is Conversion, followed by Healing, followed by Formation. All are critical and although there is a sequence, they can take place somewhat concurrently as well.
Conversion
Conversion is what is required to understand and internalize the unconditional love and forgiveness of God. It happens to different people in different ways…sometimes unexpected while it can also occur given a person’s desire for it.
My conversion took place when I began to understand that life could be better with Jesus as a part of it rather than not; when I turned away from myself and towards Jesus Christ. Both were only possible in understanding God’s unconditional love for me.
Healing
I cover why we are the way we are in the first half of my book, repeating it (Source of the Problem) above in brief.
Healing takes a lot of self-reflection, requiring us to consider our wounds and resentments, those who have hurt us and who we have hurt. We need to evaluate what we’ve done to try to be happy in the past. I refer to them as the 4 Ps…Prominence, Possessions, Pleasure, and People (using them, not true relationship as we should).
Healing requires forgiveness of ourselves and others. It’s the most challenging part of all of this. Most often, it makes sense to bring someone alongside you to help, like I did.
Formation
This step is really about becoming the best version of yourself…in Christ. There are many aspects to it, all identified in my book. Again, it is simple, although not necessarily easy.
At the Risk of Sounding Self-Serving
I know it sounds self-serving, but my book, Overwhelming Pursuit: Stop Chasing Your Life and Live, addresses all of this. For those who haven’t read it, I’d suggest doing so. You can get it at www.MarkJosephMinistries.com, where it sells for $15.95, including shipping. I’d love to autograph a copy for you. And if you can’t afford it, let me know and I’ll send you a FREE COPY.
Things to Come…
We’ll shortly be adding to my weekly blogs with brief videos. You can check my website for other information and past blogs, many of which speak to this and related issues. I also have a speaking page on my site, where you can get information on me coming to your Church or organization. Lastly, I’m creating an online course, which will speak to all of the above. It is currently scheduled to be released in January, 2020.
I sincerely hope that the above has helped. Feel free to reach out to me. If you want to talk by phone, we can do so. My passion is helping people overcome these things and finding their greatness.
May God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!
Mark Joseph
Categories
Why Don’t You Like Yourself?
Self-love, or lack thereof, is a very big deal and drives much of our behavior. It plays a huge impact on the lives we lead. Does that make sense to you?
- Do you love yourself?
- Do you like yourself?
Most people don’t and don’t understand why not. Please read on to find out.
My Lack of Self-Love
I suffered from lack of self-love for much of my life. I came by it the same way most of us do, that is believing that we have to earn love. Through many life experiences, I learned that the more or better I performed, the more love I perceived I received.
My “who” became my “do”. My role was my identity, meaning that I measured myself by my successes.
Not only didn’t I love myself, I didn’t like myself for a long period of time. You couldn’t tell from the outside, but I sure felt it from the inside, comparing how I felt to how everyone else portrayed themselves…comparing my insides to their outsides.
Characteristics of the Problem
Most of us know that we’re supposed to love ourselves, but the painful truth is that many of us don’t. Even those of us who say we do often struggle to love ourselves properly. Characteristics of this lack of self-love include:
Ego
The bigger someone’s ego is, the less that person has self-love. Ego is our false self. It’s the identity we create for ourselves, and it’s often very far from the truth of who we are.
Keep in mind that there is a difference between having an inflated ego and having self-confidence. Ego is selfish. It’s ordered around me, myself, and I. Ego gets in the way of self-love. Because it’s a false self, our ego never allows us to love ourselves as we really are.
Pride
Pride, which is a high opinion of one’s self-importance or superiority, smothers healthy self-love. Pride always needs to assert that it is the best, and because it isn’t based in truth, it needs to be constantly affirmed and validated. Pride is really an expression of how greatly a person needs to feel accepted by others.
Comparison
Comparison is not always a bad thing. It can be constructive, an effort to determine how someone does something or how you might imitate a good quality you see in another.
Comparison is a problem when it becomes constant, when you’re measuring yourself against others to validate your own performance.
Envy
Envy isn’t just jealousy, it’s sadness because other people have good things, with there often being the desire to take those good things away from them. Envy doesn’t just impact the envious person, but can lead us to treat others badly as a result of resentment.
Greed
We try to validate our false sense of who we are and why we’re lovable by amassing more and more “things” — possessions, prominence, etc. We believe these things will prove to the people around us that we’re important.
Control
With control comes power and self-determination. A little bit of control is a good thing, but when we have to be in control all the time, it becomes a serious problem. When we don’t love ourselves, it becomes important to control things, to have things go our way all the time.
Are any of the above issues or you? Please share your comments below.
The Answer
It is only in understanding and internalizing God’s unconditional love and forgiveness, that you can gain a healthy self-love. Further, the unimaginable becomes achievable. Want info on how this works…please contact me.
May God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!
Mark Joseph
What is it you desire? Other than food, water, clothing, shelter, and some money, what do you really need in your life? At a fundamental level, what do you most yearn for?
Regardless of your physical possessions or individual experiences, what is it that you have, that you can give to others? What is the one thing that in giving, it is more gratifying than receiving it?
The Answer is LOVE
The answer doesn’t change from one person to another. It’s universal. We all need it, desperately desiring it. And we all have it to give…abundantly. The answer is….LOVE!!!
I entered my young adult years believing that “the difference between the men and the boys was the size of their toys” (applies to women as well…just doesn’t rhyme). For many years, I bought into what the secular culture tells us will make us happy…prominence, possessions, and pleasure. Although not my conscious intent, I was on this quest where I loved things and used people (just the opposite of what it should be).
Authentic Friendship
I heard awhile back, that a dying man never complains of having spent too little time at the office. Although it’s our work (our “do”) which often validates us, it’s our relationships that complete us…make us whole in “who” we are.
The fact is that we’re not meant to go through life alone. We are made for community, for relationship, for authentic friendship. We want to be accepted and respected. We want to be loved for who we are more than anything in the world.
In August, my wife and I will celebrate our ten-year anniversary. Not that we don’t have challenges in our relationship (we do like anyone else), but she is my absolute best friend. I’ve remarked to her and the guys in my discipleship group, that when she and I are aligned, when we’re in a really good place, I feel indestructible, like nothing can stop me….that I can literally take on the world. That’s what love does for us…it comforts us, makes us confident, emboldens and energizes us.
The Love of Jesus
And of course, there’s no love like God’s love. As you’ve seen me write in these blogs before…Jesus loves you more than you’ll ever know, no matter what you’ve ever done. In understanding and internalizing His unconditional love and forgiveness, the unimaginable is achievable. Knowing God’s love, we can experience Heaven here on earth, living lives of peace, joy, and fulfillment….it changes everything.
More than anything, we are called to love, first God our Father, as Jesus directs us to in the Great Commandments, followed by loving our neighbors as ourselves. I have a friend in ministry, Ennie Hickman, who talks about this often. Ennie makes the point that Jesus isn’t talking about the hypothetical or metaphorical, but our neighbor neighbors….our real neighbors, whether:
- Next door
- At the Post Office
- Grocery Store (or)
- Under our same roof
Loving Others
Matthew Kelly of Dynamic Catholic, writes in his recent book of “holy moments”, which we’re all capable of. All you have to do is look for them. They appear all the time and everywhere. They can be big things. They can be little things. The opportunities are endless and we all have the ability.
We are specifically called to use things and love people…just the opposite of what I used to do (as indicated above). And you know the interesting thing…the more you love others, invest in and do for them, treating them charitably, the better you feel and the more love you receive.
LOVE….what everyone needs and everyone has to give!!!
As always, feel free to reach out to me at [email protected]
God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfilment!!!
Mark Joseph