Self-love, or lack thereof, is a very big deal and drives much of our behavior. It plays a huge impact on the lives we lead. Does that make sense to you?

  • Do you love yourself?
  • Do you like yourself?

Most people don’t and don’t understand why not. Please read on to find out.

My Lack of Self-Love

I suffered from lack of self-love for much of my life. I came by it the same way most of us do, that is believing that we have to earn love. Through many life experiences, I learned that the more or better I performed, the more love I perceived I received.

My “who” became my “do”. My role was my identity, meaning that I measured myself by my successes.

Not only didn’t I love myself, I didn’t like myself for a long period of time. You couldn’t tell from the outside, but I sure felt it from the inside, comparing how I felt to how everyone else portrayed themselves…comparing my insides to their outsides.

Characteristics of the Problem

Most of us know that we’re supposed to love ourselves, but the painful truth is that many of us don’t. Even those of us who say we do often struggle to love ourselves properly. Characteristics of this lack of self-love include:

The bigger someone’s ego is, the less that person has self-love. Ego is our false self. It’s the identity we create for ourselves, and it’s often very far from the truth of who we are.

Keep in mind that there is a difference between having an inflated ego and having self-confidence. Ego is selfish. It’s ordered around me, myself, and I. Ego gets in the way of self-love. Because it’s a false self, our ego never allows us to love ourselves as we really are.

Pride, which is a high opinion of one’s self-importance or superiority, smothers healthy self-love. Pride always needs to assert that it is the best, and because it isn’t based in truth, it needs to be constantly affirmed and validated. Pride is really an expression of how greatly a person needs to feel accepted by others.

Comparison is not always a bad thing. It can be constructive, an effort to determine how someone does something or how you might imitate a good quality you see in another.

Comparison is a problem when it becomes constant, when you’re measuring yourself against others to validate your own performance.

Envy isn’t just jealousy, it’s sadness because other people have good things, with there often being the desire to take those good things away from them. Envy doesn’t just impact the envious person, but can lead us to treat others badly as a result of resentment.

We try to validate our false sense of who we are and why we’re lovable by amassing more and more “things” — possessions, prominence, etc. We believe these things will prove to the people around us that we’re important.

With control comes power and self-determination. A little bit of control is a good thing, but when we have to be in control all the time, it becomes a serious problem. When we don’t love ourselves, it becomes important to control things, to have things go our way all the time.

Are any of the above issues or you? Please share your comments below.

The Answer

It is only in understanding and internalizing God’s unconditional love and forgiveness, that you can gain a healthy self-love. Further, the unimaginable becomes achievable. Want info on how this works…please contact me.

May God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph