Category: Weekly Blog

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Weekly Blog

Happy Wife, Happy Life

Many of us don’t make our marriages a priority. Our attention goes to our kids, their needs and activities. We focus on our careers, forcing us to spend lots of time on work. Then there are additional things outside the home like entertainment and various activities, including participating in not-for-profit initiatives. Much of this is often to the exclusion of our spouses.

It’s all part of the busyness of life. It’s not intentional or done with malice, but instead it just happens.

Culture of Me

Add to the above what has become so prevalent in our society, the culture of “me”, i.e. “me, myself, and I”. So many have lost the “other” focus in their lives. Instead it’s about our self-gratification and pleasure.

There was a time when all of the above applied to me. As such, the idea of “happy wife, happy life” used to drive me crazy. Buying into the things of the world, the phrase seemed absolutely ridiculous. What about me? What about my needs, my happiness? Why was it all about her happiness? And why did the responsibility lie with me?

That Was Then and This is Now

Well, as they say, that was then and this is now. Having experienced conversion and now being very active in my faith, my priorities are much different. I now understand that my relationship with my wife is second only in importance to my relationship with Jesus Christ. With that, for those who choose marriage there are a few truths that we need to live by:

  • Jesus has to be at the center of our marriages
  • Our number one priority needs to be helping one another get to Heaven
  • The better each of us is doing individually (spiritually and emotionally), the better our marriages will be

Die to Self and Serve the Other

In Ephesians 5:25, the Apostle Paul tells us, “Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her”. To be honest, before being so engaged in my faith, I wasn’t aware of the concept of sacrificial love, at least not as related to my wife (sad to say).

Jesus died on the Cross for us. Paul is telling us that we have to be willing to do the same for our wives….not just in a “heroic jump in front of the bus” kind of way, but in everyday life. We are to die to self and serve our wives, putting her first, as Jesus did the Church.

The More I Give, the More I Receive

Here’s the dirty little secret. The better I treat my wife, the more I do for her, the more I affirm and love her, the better she treats me and loves me. My intent isn’t “tit for tat”. I don’t think it can work that way. But interestingly, the more I give, the more I receive.

In my men’s group last week, I commented that when my relationship is right with my wife, I feel like I can take on the world, that nothing can stop me. The great news is that I get to create that reality every single day by truly loving the most important person in the world to me.

Love and Respect

In Ephesians 5:33, Paul says, “let each one of you (husband) love his wife as himself; and let the wife see that she respects the husband”.

Here’s the dirty little secret for wives, men feel loved when they’re respected. You show your husband respect and he’ll run through block walls for you. If you don’t believe the Apostle Paul or me, I’d point you to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his book, “Love and Respect” (loveandrespect.com).

And while I’m promoting marriage gurus, my wife and I have really gotten a lot out of Mark Gungor (markgungor.com), who has a great program called “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage”.

As it turns out, “happy wife, happy life” applies as much to wives as it does husbands, there’s just no good word that rhymes with “husband”.
Let me know what you think at Mark@MarkJosephMinistries.com.

God Bless you on your journey to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph

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Weekly Blog

What It Means to Love Your Neighbor

Most of us have neighbors. Some of those neighbors are friends, others are acquaintances, and some we never talk to. We know what “neighbor” feels like. Yet when we hear about our neighbors in a scriptural context, we often think differently. When Jesus says in Matthew 22:39, “love your neighbor as yourself”, our minds often go to far off people and places, i.e. mission trips and making donations.

That’s not what Jesus meant.

Not that those things are bad. I went on a mission trip once to Haiti, that was life changing. Giving money is also a good thing, in fact we’re called to do so. The point here is that many of us could trip over those in our lives who need our help, instead providing for others elsewhere.

I used to be guilty of this. I used to think that stroking checks was enough. It was like I compartmentalized my life. I’d go to Mass, periodically donating my time and talents, but never integrating my “Church” life into my everyday life. That’s changed now. Praise God!!!

I have a friend named Ennie Hickman, who is the President of Adore Ministries. In Houston and at other places throughout the country, Adore serves the poor and marginalized. They do this in many ways, including and especially being good neighbors. Ennie and his wife, Cana, for years have been hosting neighborhood dinners, sharing the love of Christ with more than 100 neighbors at their house each week. Yes, Cana is going straight to Heaven.

Ennie, who is also a national speaker, states the following, “when Jesus said that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, did you know that he meant our real neighbors, not someone theoretical, metaphorical, or in a far-off land? He meant our neighbor neighbors, our next store neighbors, those we see every day in the grocery store or the post office. We are to love those closest to us first”.

How are you loving those in your house? In your neighborhood? Those closest to you on a daily basis? Those in your extended family? Maybe an older, lonely relative? Did you know that 50% of those in nursing homes go the entire year without seeing a single visitor?

We have so many opportunities, far and near, to minister to others, to love others…..to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Pope Francis reminds us that we all need to get our hands dirty, helping the poor and the marginalized. You don’t have to be in ministry to do ministry. There are so many opportunities to show the love of Christ to those around us, starting with our neighbors.

So much of America and this world loves things and uses people. We are called to use things and love people. Let’s start with our neighbor neighbors, as Ennie would remind us.

Please comment to me at Mark@MarkJosephMinistries.com.

May God Bless you on your journey to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph
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Weekly Blog

Chronicles of Narnia: The Lessons We Can Learn from Fiction

To be honest, I’m not a huge fan of fiction, but I heard Sr. Miriam James Heidland give this very compelling narrative at one of our Steubenville Conferences. It is such a great story and relates so much to my journey. See what you can glean from it.

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is one of the books in the Chronicles of Narnia series, by C. S. Lewis. Eustace is a mean little boy whose greed and selfishness make everyone around him miserable. At one point during the story, Eustace runs away from his companions because he doesn’t want to help with chores. He falls asleep in a dragon’s lair and awakens as a dragon. All of the darkness within him is now on the outside for all to see, and much destruction ensues because of his awful transformation. His terrified cousins try to heal him, but to no avail.

Lost Hope

At his wits end and losing hope, Eustace encounters the lion Aslan, the Christ figure of the Narnia series. Aslan brings Eustace to a cool, clear pool of water and urges him to undress and get in. Confused at first because as a dragon he is not wearing any clothes, Eustace quickly realizes the ugliness of his scales and begins to scratch at himself. He scratches a layer of the ugliness away and approaches the pool to enter but upon seeing his reflection, he realizes he is still a dragon. Eustace tries two more times to remove the scales, but after each attempt he sees it is fruitless. We often do the same, scratching at what we find ugly in ourselves, but unable to make it go away.

Transformation Occurs the Only Way It Can

Failing in his attempts, Eustace finally realizes he cannot fix himself. Upon seeing this, Aslan comments, “You will have to let me undress you.” With his paw, the mighty lion pierces the hard shell of the dragon and begins to tear away at the layers of his skin. The pain is initially so deep that Eustace thinks Aslan has pierced his very heart. After some time, the tearing ceases and Eustace looks at all of the dreadful, thick skin lying in a huge pile beside him. Before he can say anything, Aslan throws him into the pool.

Eustace begins to swim, noticing he is free of pain and discomfort. As he looks down at himself, he realizes he is a boy again, no longer a dragon. Eustace is never the same after that encounter with Aslan (Christ figure). He still struggles now and then with some of his old tendencies, but Eustace is profoundly different because of his encounter with Love.

Christ Gave of Himself for Us

This is the transformation we’re all invited to undergo. God wants to bring each of us to the place where we can say, like Saint Paul, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal 2:20).

Our New Selves

That difference between the dragon and the boy is the same difference we encounter between our old selves and our new selves when we really let God transform us. We can leave the sick, fearful, self-centered, seeking old self behind, living in a place of gratitude for everything that happened to us because it brought us to this point. Like Eustace, when we finally let God in to work on us, to transform us, it changes everything.

Please send me your comments at Mark@MarkJosephMinistries.com.

May God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph
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Weekly Blog

The Hazards of Swallowing Poison

Have you ever heard that resenting someone else is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die? It doesn’t work. Instead, it’s you who’s dying (or at least suffering), with the other person often not even knowing that he or she hurt you. If the resentment is significant enough, it can consume you and your every activity, robbing you of the peace, joy, and fulfillment that you deserve.

My Poison

This was true of me for the longest time. Having experienced significant tragedy in my life, I had some deep wounds, accompanied by some real resentments. For a long while, they’re all I thought about. I couldn’t get them or the people who caused them out of my head. Neither concentrating on them nor complaining helped. Nothing did until I began the healing process. More on that shortly.

It is said that there are two things that all of us can expect in life, death and taxes. I would argue that there’s a third, human tragedy. Regardless of whether its global, i.e. war or a natural disaster, or something closer to home like divorce, death of a loved one, or a major financial crisis, it all becomes personal. These conflicts and tragedies cause hurts and wounds that often become resentments.

People Wound Out of Their Woundedness

My lived experience is that although there is sometimes malice involved (real intent to harm), that most often people hurt us unintentionally out of their own woundedness, inadequacies, and insecurities. They often don’t realize they’re hurting the other person or aren’t intending to do so, endeavoring to avoid conflict (albeit the wrong way) instead.

Not being in a healthy place ourselves, many of us internalize the faults and failings of others as our own, as a reflection of us….which is wrong and unhealthy. All of this plays into why we have to forgive, for the benefit of the other…sure, but really to the benefit of ourselves.

I Had to Own My Own Stuff

For me to forgive those who I resented, I first needed to forgive myself, understanding and owning my role in each of the situations. I did so by bringing someone alongside me, a Christian therapist. It doesn’t have to be a therapist for you (it could be a priest, pastor, mentor, or friend), but my experience is that there is nothing like having an educated, experienced, independent person who is invested in you being the best you can be.

Healing isn’t like flipping a switch. After several sessions and many copays, I finally got there. Having experienced conversion and feeling the unconditional love and forgiveness of God, realizing that Jesus would have died that same tortuous death on the Cross if it were only me on this earth, I could finally forgive myself. In doing so, I forgave the others too. I can’t describe to you the peace I felt. It was and is unbelievable and undeniable.

Forgiving is For You

The more that we can rest in the conviction that God loves us (therefore not relying on what others think), the easier it is to understand that people’s faults and failings are owned by them and not a reflection of us. The fact is that most people who hurt us are doing so from a place of their own inadequacy and woundedness. Further, 95% of the way people respond or react to you is more about them and their feeling of inadequacy than it is about you or the situation.

Forgiving doesn’t mean condoning or endorsing bad behavior. Forgiveness doesn’t need to be done in person, nor spoken to the offending party. We need to forgive in our hearts, so that we can heal from the hurts, which will free us to be our very best.

Please comment to me at Mark@MarkJosephMinistries.com.

May God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!

Mark Joseph