Conversion is not a one-off event. While the initial moment of conversion may have been very powerful for many of us, the reality is that conversion takes place over a period of time and sets us on a journey to becoming who we’re meant to be. The next critical step on the journey is healing.
We all need healing. Regardless of who we are or what our experiences have been, we carry wounds. There are tragedies we’ve endured, hurts we’ve experienced, and fears we’ve lived with, all contributing to the wounds we’ve allowed to build up over time. If we truly want to live a fulfilling life, we need to allow ourselves to heal, and that takes some work. The first step is to let it all go, which is much easier said than done. The process of healing is some of the heaviest lifting you’ll do on this journey. It requires a lot of self-reflection and vulnerability. It means examining your faults and failings, your character flaws, your weaknesses. It often means asking for help.
Why Forgive?
It isn’t easy, yet refusing to forgive keeps us stuck in old patterns of self-loathing, fear, and resentment — all of those things that keep us feeling overwhelmed by life. Not forgiving leaves us stuck in the past. It causes emotional, physical, and spiritual issues. Forgiveness is first of all for our benefit, not the benefit of anyone who hurt us. It is only when we forgive that we can be free from the pain and hurt of the past. Forgiving helps us to grow. It is empowering.
For me, the biggest challenge in forgiving others was owning up to my role in the situations that had hurt me. Coming to terms with that responsibility required a hard look in the mirror. To finally begin to forgive others in my life, I had to go through a process, which included first forgiving myself. Not easy, it took time. Thankfully, God was there to help me through it, just as he will be for you.
Forgiveness Begins with You
Forgiveness isn’t just about forgiving others. We also need to forgive ourselves, which often is the first step. Not forgiving yourself for past mistakes, constantly beating yourself up for them is exhausting.
Refusing to forgive ourselves basically says that Jesus’ sacrifice was a waste of time. God forgives all, so if I refuse to forgive myself, I place myself above God. Our identity is who we are as God’s creation, put on this earth out of his love, restored through his Son’s sacrifice, made to be great and to live for his glory.
None of this came quickly. I went from beating myself up several times an hour to once an hour. Then to every eight hours, then twenty-four hours, to every couple days,, and once a week. It was a process and a slow one. With all the progress I’ve made, I still occasionally go to that dark place, albeit rarely. If it’s slow for you, too, that’s okay. Just take it one day at a time, be patient with yourself, and continually renew your trust in God’s love.
Why Forgive Others?
When we’re caught up in seeking validation and love from other people, it can be really tough to forgive. The more we can rest in the conviction that God loves us, the easier it becomes to understand that other people’s faults and failings are owned by them and not a reflection of us. The fact is, most often people who hurt us aren’t maliciously attacking us, but dealing from a place of their own inadequacy and their own wounds. The more we can understand God’s love for us and for those who hurt us, the easier it becomes to let go of resentment.
Although at times we will express it verbally, that doesn’t mean we have to say, “I forgive you” for it to count. And forgiving someone doesn’t mean condoning or endorsing their behavior. They can truly be in the wrong and you can (and should) still forgive them. Given my experience, there’s a freedom to doing it. It brings about peace, even joy.
I hope all this helps. There’s so much more to say on this subject, with me dedicating an entire chapter to it in my book, including a powerful story about the process I went through.
As always, please email me at Mark@MarkJosephMinistries.com with any questions, comments, concerns, or prayer requests.
God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!
Remember…God made you for Greatness!!!
Mark Joseph