This is the 3rd of our 14-week program, where we provide Lesson #3, Lack of Self-Love. This is a tough issue, which requires honest (and vulnerable) self-assessment. So, here are some questions to consider:
- After you’ve done something, i.e. an interaction, project, performance (sports, speech, etc.) of some kind, do you find yourself second-guessing yourself?
- Given the above, do you beat yourself up, which turns into not liking yourself…not loving yourself?
- What is the impact on your life? During your day? Over the course of your week?
When writing my book, I wanted to vet the concepts with my therapist. I said to her something like, “70-75% of people suffer from lack of self-love”. She scoffed at me, laughing. I’ll never forget it. I said, “what do you mean?” She then said that based on her experience and research, that “lack of self-love afflicts more than 95% of us”.
Think about it in your life…
- You do something where you believe you’ve not performed well or not met the expectations of others.
- You believe that they didn’t like what/how you did it (true or not), then inferring that they don’t like you. You become hyper-critical of your actions.
- It being a constant source of concentration, you beat yourself up, not like yourself, not believing you deserve to be loved, then not loving yourself.
If we’re honest, the above resonates.
Same Was True for Me
That was certainly the case for me. Born mostly out of the conditional love (needing to earn the love of others) we talked about last week (Lesson #2), I was beating myself up on a regular basis. According to that same therapist, it was stealing the energy from me to live a happy and fulfilled life.
From the outside, I was this confident guy, who had it all together…nice family, good business, nice things, and I was crumbling inside. It wasn’t just her theory. It was real….I had no peace or joy in my life. I was on that hamster wheel (Lesson #1) and I was exhausted, deflated, frustrated….overwhelmed.
Here’s the Truth About the Situation
Those closest to you, who truly love you, family and friends, could care less how you perform. They’re going to love you anyhow.
No one judges you as harshly as you judge yourself. You, like so many others, hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Yet your worth, your value as a person, has nothing to do with how you perform.
God loves you more than you’ll ever know, no matter what you’ve ever done.
Suggested Actions
So what do we do about it? As indicated, there are no “quick” fixes to anything in life, including LACK OF SELF-LOVE. In future lessons, I’m going to provide guidance on a more comprehensive fix that we can’t get to until covering more material. In the interim, I would suggest:
- Think about the following questions. Take them to prayer. We can only understand an issue if we identify it. Ponder (think/pray) the following:
- When was the last time you beat yourself up?
- Think through what actually occurred in the situation. Looking at it as objectively as you can, how did you perform? Did the job get done? Were the goals primarily met?
- Understanding that the answers to the above are typically “yes”, how did you allow the circumstance impact you…your day, that evening, even the balance of the week?
- Imagine what things would have felt like that day or week if you didn’t have this self-doubt.
- During your morning prayer routine this week:
- Offer your negative thoughts up to the Lord (discard them, give them to Him), basking in His love and internalizing your true worth. Replace those thoughts with words like “I am loved” and “my value doesn’t lie in what I do”.
- Try to concentrate on the positive. What are the good things in your life? The occurrences? Relationships? Job? Health? It would help to jot them down.
- Watch this Friday’s video on this same subject….it will be emailed to you.
Please join us next Wednesday for Week #4 when we talk about FEAR. As always, please feel free to get to me with questions, comments, or concerns at Mark@MarkJosephMinistries.com.
God Bless you on your Path to Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment!!!
Mark Joseph
Week #1 – Being Overwhelmed
Week #2 – Earning the love of others
Week #3 – Lack of self-love
Week #4 – Fear
Week #5 – False gods, False happiness
Week #6 – Life’s Tragedies
Week #7 – Wounds, Resentments
Week #8 – Discovering God’s Love
Week #9 – Forgiveness and healing
Week #10 – Becoming the best Possible You
Week #11 – Path to Peace
Week #12 – Finding your Purpose
Week #13 – You were made for Greatness
Week #14 – True Peace, Joy, and Fulfillment